Article: the testimony of a lesbian Anglican priest

Revd Clare Herbert, Rector of St Anne's Soho, London, speaking at the Changing Attitude 'Caught in the Crossfire' London conference

[...] I do have a strong sense of call to be a priest and the clear reassurance that other people acknowledge that call wholeheartedly in what they see in me. One of the best things about the job is that it naturally attracts a lot of feedback because it requires of its nature both public performance and intimate involvement in the lives of other people. So my own inner sense of myself is reinforced by what others say of me. It is then extremely strange , in the midst of that fulfilling busyness to read reports that state I ought not to be performing as a priest at all. There is some sort of miss-match which does not add up. To add to the miss-match, part of my call is to understand love and I do not feel remotely called to a celibate expression of love in my own life – indeed I think that route would be highly dangerous for me – I need the earthing of real loving to come alive as a human being and hope that some of that liveliness of being loved is poured out towards others in my ministry.

A strong sense of call and the love of a partner are resources I use to gain energy for ministry. But I also use the resource of psychoanalytic thinking.

Psychoanalysis has helped me understand that it is perfectly acceptable to want to be fully loved in a earthed way and far less sensible for one such as me to imagine a life of single service dedicated to others. It has helped me too to see how it is important for me to individuate from the Church , to not vest the authority for the way I live my life in the mind of anyone else but my mind , which of course must be formed in dialogue with the views of others and my sense of myself in God and God in me but will not be given over to those others for shape and direction completely. The responsibility for that shape and direction ultimately lies with me. Read more